Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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