I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
