Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
