Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Houston, we have a squirter
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize