The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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