I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
