we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
