If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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