i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
