I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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