Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's never too late to be topless.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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