Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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