I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
