Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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