i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
