he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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