at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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