Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
