So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
