Who did Billy Mays play for?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
