I feel like I'm in dance class right now
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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