I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize