She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
