You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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