i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
