You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
