forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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