so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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