Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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