So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
