I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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