lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
