I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
