Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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