I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
