# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize