alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
