just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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