I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
