shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
