worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
