I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
