Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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