Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
