The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
