Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
