ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
