i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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