I want to have your abortion
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
