I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
