11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
