Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
