I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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