so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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