You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
