you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
