Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
