walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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