im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
