I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
