playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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