it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize