My friends, they love my intelligence
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
