I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I smell stomach acid.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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