im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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