Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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