and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
