Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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