bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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