You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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