Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
