my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
