woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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