chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
