i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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