Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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