She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
