Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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