I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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