also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
