I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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