Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize