I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
