I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
