Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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