is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
