You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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