My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
