i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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