I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
