margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
