Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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