I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
