I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
