oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
