why do cheetos always look like penises
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
