You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
