uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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