All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
