How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize