My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
