theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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