I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
cat food counts as protein by the way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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