You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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