turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize