I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
