please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
