dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
