Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
