I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
