Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
