I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
