Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
